Another endurance effort for Challenge 15, which had me watching all six Star Wars films in one day, suggested by my appropriately-named friend, Lucas.
My only previous attempt at a Star Wars marathon was a drunken party in 1996 where I fell asleep during Return of The Jedi. Since then another three even longer – and generally worse – films have been released making up around 12-13 hours of intergalactic viewing.
With the real life temperature outside rising to 40 degrees, staying indoors in the dark seemed a pretty good option. My only question was what order to watch the films in. George Lucas’ numerical order would have us start with Episode 1’s Phantom Menace and end with the dancing ewoks of Return of the Jedi. However, this means that the biggest Star Wars moment [SPOILER!] – the reveal about Luke’s parentage – is ruined almost immediately.
Fortunately the good people of the internet (the ones with nothing better to do) have developed a handy new watching order – IV, V, I, II, III, VI – which is supposed to keep the secrets and suspense alive all the way through. Happy to try this theory out I put the first DVD in the machine and pressed play.
How did I go? Well, the short answer is 13 hours later I had watched six films. My pal Bernie managed four of them with me, and Cath two.
The longer answer is provided below in a blow by blow live commentary which I’d only recommend to the die-hards. I will say that the new order or watching was great and if you have never seen any of them or you haven’t shown them to your children yet this order is a great way to go.
If me watching videos inspires you in any way then please feel free to chuck a buck towards my fundraising here: https://give.everydayhero.com/au/jamies-40-for-40
Star Wars Marathon: Minute by Minute commentary
(Nerd note: I watched the original VHS version of Star Wars, the DVD Special Editions of Empire and Jedi and the standard video store rental DVD versions of the prequels. Yes, we still have a video store)
9.50am Fanfares and 20th Century Fox. Star Wars marathon is go with original VHS version of Star Wars (Episode 4: A New Hope, apparently)
9.55 So here’s Darth…
9.56 …and there are Leia’s magnificent buns (hair ones)
10.08 Here’s Luke. He’s very whiney. His knackered R5-D4 droid must be from Aldi.
10.13 Luke sees image of Leia and thinks very wrong thoughts
10.20 Enter hooded Ben Kenobi. Guinness is all class (though switching from Obi Wan to Ben is hardly best practice for a person in disguise)
10.25 Much handy exposition on the Clone Wars, Anakin, the Force and we see our first lightsabers
10.28 On the Death Star, here’s Vader and Tarkin talking local politics.
10.34 Mos Eisley scum and villainy. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for… Refreshingly CGI free
10.38 Han! (Memories of my Mum saying “phwoar”)
10.41 Han shoots first
10.47 goodbye Alderaan with a slightly naff explosion
10.52 Luke has a bad feeling about a ‘small moon’
10.54 “did you find any droids” says Darth Borat
11.02 “Boring conversation anyway” says Han whilst Luke meets Leia. “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper? “I’m Luke Skywalker I’m here to rescue you”
11.09 Han has a bad feeling about the trash compactor
11.14 Our heroes’ hair has dried quickly from the garbage juices
11.19 Bye-bye Ben. Can’t help but think that a mention of Anakin would have been a good idea.
11.24 “You think a Princess and a guy like me?” “No”
11.26 Death Star plans so brilliant they show the weapon dish in the wrong place
11.28 “this will be a day long remembered. It has seen the end of Kenobi and will soon see the end of the rebellion”
11.30 I am a bit tired already. This is possibly the 200th time I’ve seen this film.
11.33 Great to see a big guy behind the wheel of an X-Wing. Shame he’s called Porkins and gets killed immediately. Cath notes video game memories of trench attack scene.
11.40 Bye then Wedge. See ya later.
11.41 Use the Force, Luke…
11.42 Great shot kid that was one in a million!
11.45 Medal time. Nothing for Chewbacca.
11.46 One film down! (temp outside is 36 degrees)
11.49 Scrolling scrolling scrolling into Episode V: Empire!
11.50 Mmmm, Ice planet. Cool cool refreshing ice planet.
11.51 DVD picture quality about 1000% better
11.54 “I’d just as soon kiss a Wookie” “I can arrange that. He could use a good kiss”
12.00 Shield doors must be closed. 725-1 survival chances outside. Chewie howls. It looks pleasantly cool to me.
12.02 Ghost Ben is back, talking up Dagobah as a holiday destination.
12.03 Han with a lightsaber! It doesn’t get much cooler.
12.06 Not sure you should be kissing Luke like that Leia
12.08 The imperial march heard!
12.09 Mr Bronson from Grange Hill is told off by Vader… then killed.
12.20 Luke gets inside an AT-AT
12.23 Falcon won’t start. “Would it help if I got out and pushed?”
12.26 Asteroids!
12.29 Luke fails his Dagobah parking test, landing in a swamp.
12.34 Why, hello there Mr Yoda.
12.39 Han and Leia kissy kissy
12.40 Here’s Palpatine – with new dialogue I think. Spoilers? Kinda…
12.41 Yoda talks about Luke’s dad. “I’m not afraid” “Ah, you will be”
12.46 This is no cave, says Han as Falcon almost eaten by a giant space worm
12.52 Luke has a bad dream and chops his own head off. Too much cheese before bedtime.
12.53 Here be bounty hunters including Boba Fett looking cool and sounding Kiwi
1.06 Oh Lando, you card!
1.09 Threepio bites it.
1.11 Yoda reminds Ben “there is another”
1.15 Guess who’s coming to dinner. Vader and Boba as uninvited guests.
1.21 “I love you” “I know.”
1.25 “Luke! It’s a trap”
1.35 Oops, there goes Luke’s hand
1.36 “I am your father” – didn’t see that coming.
1.38 “hear me Leia” says broken and battered Luke hanging from a TV aerial
1.43 R2 fixes everything, the Falcon is hyper driven and our heroes escape to fight another day
1.45 Two down. Now to go back in time to Episode 1: Phantom Menace
1.55 My God this is a boring scroll.
1.57 first racist accents
1.58 Obi Wan has a bad feeling about this. So do I.
1.59 Snore. Oh Ewan. What were you thinking?
2.02 Weird Padmé. Why can none of these fine actors act in this film?
2.05 Jar. Jar. Binks. (Racist accent number 2)
2.06 Binks says “ex-squeeze me” and Mike Myers sues.
2.19 It’s Danny from Withnail and I as a space pilot. I wonder if he’ll say “I had to beat him to death with his own shoe”
2.24 Back to Tatooine. Jar Jar stands in a bantha poo.
2.25 Racist Accent 3 – Watto the hook nosed businessman. And here’s Anakin – oh joy, he’s a pudding bowl haired cherub who says “Yippee”
2.31 So many bad accents
2.32 Introducing C3PO, technically naked.
2.40 Ooh, a virgin birth. That’s original.
2.43 Jedis now have blood tests apparently
2.48 Pod-racing scene starts
3.01 Pod racing scene ends. Very bored.
3.10 It’s Darth Maul v Qui-Gon, Round 1
3.11 Anakin meets Obi-Wan. This’ll end well, right?
3.27 Politics yawn with General Zod etc
3.31 Midichlorians ruin Star Wars
3.37 Some kind of Naboo and Gungan alliance is happening for some vague reason
3.45 Double-ended lightsaber fun as Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Round 2 starts.
3.47 Instead of a battle we have some CGI cartoons fighting each other
3.53 Bye bye Liam Neeson. You’re better off out of it.
3.55 genuinely good bit with Obi Wan fighting Darth Maul
3.59 “we will watch your career with interest young Skywalker” says Palpatine. Ho ho ho.
4.00 Obi-wan becomes Jedi. Your apprentice Skywalker will be. “What will happen to me?” says Jake Lloyd? You’ll never act again, young man.
4.01 Thank the Midichlorians that’s over… three films down. Episode 2 Attack of the Clones next. Outside its 40 degrees and the winds are howling.
4.08 Oh good grief, Hayden Christiansen for a few hours… Subtitles on, volume down for film 4
4.10 Keira Knightly is killed. So sad.
4.14 I can’t work out how old Padmé is meant to be. She seems too old for Anakin.
4.20 Anakin’s Ronald McDonald car is hilarious
4.30 Somehow Jar Jar Binks is now a politician
4.48 CGI world Kamino looking very fake.
4.55 Sickening Sound of Music referencing love scenes
4.56 Temeura Morrison and baby Boba Fett
5.00 Anakin has the worst chat up lines. He is creeping out the world and Padme. I’m desperate to turn off. This is worse than being waxed.
5.05 Genuinely good fight between Jango and Obi Wan keeps me interested.
5.13 Back to Tatooine because Anakin’s having bad dreams poor diddums
5.22 Jack Thompson invites Anakin and Padme into Luke’s old / future home
5.27 More blah blah blah politics
5.28 Anakin remembers he has a mum and goes a bit nutso on some Tusken Raiders
5:37 layer upon layer of exposition about how Anakin is sad about his mum dying and will do anything to stop people dying in the future
5:40 if only we had a stupid politician to manipulate and do our bidding, hey Jar Jar?
5.42 Christopher Lee shows his acting chops
5.47 Another made for video games horror in the droid factory with flying R2 and a CGI C3PO
5:54 “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” says Anakin. (Nerd question: why didn’t they use a Rancor as one of the monsters on Geonosis?)
6:00 Bad droid puns and multi-Jedi shoot ‘em up. Weird seeing stormtroopers and Star Destroyers now on side of goodies
6:06 Boba doesn’t lose his head. Jango does.
6:07 Death Star plans appear… we’ll see those again.
6:13 Anakin and Obi Wan get Count Dookued – another Skywalker arm down.
6:15 I don’t think Yoda is as frail as he looks. See! He’s a tiny spinny lightsaber machine.
6:18 Longest film so far… Dragging on a bit now.
6:19 now where’s Dooku going? Somewhere Sithy.
6:22 “Begun the clone war has” apparently. Imperial March rings out as marriage happens by Lake Cuomo. Droids are only guests. You kinda feel for them (the droids).
6:32 A quick rest to say open windows for the cooling air and put pasta on then onto film 5: Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith
6:33 We are scrolling… war!!
6:37 All this makes you wonder where all the technology went in the future…
6:42 Obi-Wan has a bad feeling
6:45 Comedy oil-spilling and incinerating R2-D2
6:47 Dooku is Dookued as Anakin is a naughty boy and chops off both Christopher Lee’s hands and his bonce.
6:58 Fantastic action packed first 20 mins – then cut to Padmé with Leia buns hair. Pregnancy brain made her do it I’m guessing.
7:00 Padmé gushing is a nice reminder of the love scene horrors of Episode 2.
7:10 Anakin goes to Yoda for advice who tells him just to be less sentimental and more detached about the fact that his pregnant wife is going to die – not the best advice for this broody Anakin
7:12 …and now the Jedi Council won’t let sulky Anakin be a Jedi Master. This doesn’t bode well.
7:17 Padmé forgets all her diplomatic training and asks Anakin for a hug
7:26 Anakin and Obi Wan say goodbye in pleasant circumstances. aw.
7:40 more great acting by Ian McDiarmid as the Emperor on his big Sith reveal to Anakin
7:49 Mace Windu and his purple lightsaber go flying out the window. Palpatine looks like he needs a facial.
7:50 Still not convinced that Anakin would become bad here. Why pledge himself now?
7:54 Order 66 is given. The Jedi are toast.
7:57 Anakin fails at babysitting the Jedi younglings.
8:00 10 hours after we first saw it, Tantive 4 spaceship reappears, shiny and new
8:01 Anakin has some explaining to do to Padmé about all those people he murdered
8:12 Obi-Wan tells all to Padmé, then hides in her cupboard as she flies to Mustaphar.
8:14 Anakin offers Padmé chance to rule galaxy together. Heard it before mate.
8:19 Here we go – Obi Wan v Anakin. It’s ON
8:25 Yoda v Emperor is also ON
8:34 Anakin’s legs come OFF. It’s all over.
8:37 Parallel medical procedures for Padmé and Anakin.
8:39 Luke out first; then Leia. “There’s good in him” says Padmé before carking it of nothing in particular.
8:42 Anakin becomes Vader and emits the world’s worst “nooooooooo”
8:43 Hmm, where to hide a Jedi child? How about where his dad lived and give him the same name? Genius.
8:45 Five films down!!! Only the Ewoks to go! Have to check on garden… It has been destroyed by the heat. Just like Anakin.
9:00 Scrolling for the last time – Episode 6: Return of the Jedi
9:10 How do you torture a droid? Make it watch 3 Star Wars prequels maybe…
9:16 What on earth is this new Max Rebo band song? With the Muppets…
9:18 here’s the mighty Boushh
9:21 Set Han to defrost
9:25 Here’s Luke dressed in black and choking people with the Force. Has he gone like his Dad? Meanwhile Leia gets her bikini on… as you do.
9.30 the Rancor is squished, his keeper disconsolate
9.35 Luke somersaults into action
9:36 Boba Fett is Sarlacc fodder
9:37 Lando heading Sarlacc-wards aided by vision impaired Han
9:38 Leia gets revenge on Jabba for that bikini
9:40 Return of the Emperor to the Imperial March
9:42 back to Dagobah and 900 year old Yoda who has some good news for Luke about having to confront Vader again
9:44 “Your father he is” confirms Yoda
9:46 “There is another Skywalker” he adds for anyone who missed it earlier
9:48 Ben shares some home truths about the past but is a lot faster than the three prequels.
9:51 Luke walks in to Mon Mothma meeting and clearly doesn’t care many Bothans died as meeting descends into bedlam
10:03 enter the Ewoks
10:08 “I have felt him” “strange that I have not” exchange between Vader and Palpatine makes me giggle childishly
10:09 “great Chewie, always thinking with your stomach”
10:13 Han has a bad feeling about being spit roasted at an Ewok banquet. Fair enough.
10:17 Threepio explains the first two films with sound effects in under a minute.
10:20 Luke and Leia share some home truths and realise they probably shouldn’t have kissed in Empire Strikes Back
10:24 Luke catches up with his Dad. To his credit he doesn’t ask for back pay on pocket money.
10:28 the Alliance goes to hyperspace
10:30 Luke finally meets Palpatine – it doesn’t go well. Like meeting the mother-in-law. Darth in the middle feeling a bit awkward.
10.35 “It’s a trap!”
10:36 Seriously, what is that black splodge on the Emperor’s cloak next to his right eye?
10:38 The Ewoks strike back…
10:43 Tragic Ewok death scene.
10:45 Luke finally takes the bait and his lightsaber. Must have been the Ewok death.
10:46 How does Chewie know the Tarzan yell?
10:50 The moment we’ve been waiting for, as Luke knocks seven bells out of Vader
10:54 Oh oh, Luke should have learned force lightning at Jedi camp.
10:55 Vader’s Theme: redemption song
11:00 Baldy egghead Anakin says “tell your sister you were right”
11:02 Wedge and Lando blow the joint sky high
11:03 Funeral pyre plus partying across the galaxy to another new song. Personally I prefer the old Ewok anthem, but who cares really because I’M ALL DONE at 11:06pm.
May the Force be with You. (And also with you.)
jamies40for40 